Some are MORE EQUAL than others

Regarding Equal Marriage, a friend of mine sent me this email:

Naturally I read lots of newspapers and it seems that with gay marriage, the reports are mainly on politicians opposing it. With so much opposition from people in positions of power, it seems unlikely to me that it will ever be legalised. This makes me worry that as I grow into middle and old age, we, as members of the gay community, will always be second class citizens. If the law doesn't give us equal rights to straight people, won't it act as a cue for society to regard us as "not quite as equal"? It's actually a scary thought to think that when I retire in the year 2056, the government will still regard me as "not quite as equal". It puts me in mind of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' and that phrase that the pigs painted: "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others". It genuinely scares me. I don't even want to get married, but I do want to be acknowledged as being as equal as a homeless person, a homeowner, a CEO and the Royal Family. Is there anything I can do to fight for our cause?

Here's my reply:

It's true, but many people seem unaware that the LGBT community are being treated as second-class citizens. They seem to think that by letting us have 'almost' weddings and by not beating us up when we go out (as long as we're not TOO gay), or by treating us as a novelty, that they're doing their bit and that we're all good with that.

However, it's not all negative ... the anti lobby is very vocal, so it may seem that they hold the reigns, but the pro's are doing better than everyone seems to think. Like I've said in the past, tho' ... people who're against Equality and Equal Marriage can be as vocal as they wish, and it's seen as 'supporting their faith' or 'values', etc., but many who are pro Equality & Equal Marriage often can't speak out, because they're not out themselves, or because (in the case of clergy), doing so puts their head above the parapet and risks them going against their superiors, and potentially endangers future jobs.

I think it's crucial to remain engaged and to be sharing the truth with friends, family & colleagues. Information and education are key. Many people may think that Equal Marriage is wrong, because that's what they're hearing. Many people think that Civil Partnership is enough and offers the same as marriage, because that's what they're hearing. They need to be given the truth.

If u take a look at my youtube playlist http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV-9EjzmpE0&feature=share&list=PLB169B8F471E38896 there are plenty of resources there (videos 6, 7 & 11 are ones I find I keep referring back to). If u share them or the information in them with the people around you, they can hear some of the truth about the inequality that exists.

The other thing about the struggle at the moment, is that politicians are too comfortable. Too many are claiming that they haven't heard from their LGBT constituents (why would they willingly identify themselves as such in the current climate?!) who want Equal Marriage, but they've heard from plenty of bigots that don't. So keep writing, phoning, emailing and encourage your friends & family to do the same, even if (ESPECIALLY IF) they're not LGB or T themselves (allies have enormous influence - and a safer platform to speak from).

And so, to all ... please, remain engaged & vocal, & share, share, SHARE

Why I BELIEVE FIRMLY in Equal Marriage ...

I was asked by a contact at the Portsmouth News to respond to some comments made about the government's Equal Marriage proposals (article here).  Here is the letter I sent. I don't know if it'll be used, but I wanted to include it in my blog, to keep the coversation going. Equality needs a voice.

Dear Sir / Madam

I am saddened by the response of many Christians and churches to the government’s consultation on Equal Marriage.  As an ordained member of the Church of England clergy, I stand wholeheartedly behind the Prime Minister’s stance on Equal Marriage.

My understanding of the proposal is that it will aim to allow loving same-sex couples to enter into loving, long-term, committed marriages, with the full legal protection that marriage offers.  No more of the strange terminology of attempting to say that someone is “civilly partnered” to someone else, and no more of the differentiation in society where a Civil Partnership is somehow less than a marriage.

If I could look at some of the arguments against Equal Marriage:

• Those who argue against Equal Marriage, stating that Civil Partnership is the legal equivalent of marriage, but with a different name, don’t understand the legal complexities and the differences between the two.  The fact is that Civil Partners don’t enjoy the same legal protection and provision as married couples.
• Those who state that Equal Marriage is against their faith, need to understand that it is against THEIR INTERPRETATION of their faith (or someone else’s interpretation passed along to them). There are other ways of reading Scripture, other ways of interpreting tradition, and other ways of being Christian. The existence of the Lesbian & Gay Christian Movement, Accepting Evangelicals, Two:23, Courage UK, Inclusive Church and other groups in the UK – not to mention International groups are evidence of that.
  I also really struggle with people of faith, who state that they accept the LGBT community, but then label their loving relationships as a perversion of family values, with catastrophic consequences for the future.  In statements like that, it won’t be the message of acceptance that the LGBT community hears, and it certainly won’t instill (& hasn’t instilled-) in them the desire to explore faith.
• Those who try to panic people into believing that the proposed changes will result in churches being forced to conduct same-sex marriages have either not read – or not understood – the proposals, and haven’t looked at history.
  There are churches the whole world over that won’t perform marriage ceremonies for people who are divorced, as a matter of conscience.  They have the freedom to do so, and the divorced couples seek another church. This matter is no different.  The consultation was simply looking at whether or not some faith communities should be allowed to opt in, if they wish, the same way some choose to remarry divorcees.
• Finally, I struggle with those that play the numbers game; that state that the LGBT community should not be allowed Equal Marriage, because they are in the minority? I thought the purpose of Equality legislation was precisely to protect minority groups.  The majority already have a voice, and already enjoy a privileged place in society by virtue of being the majority. We should be concerned with ensuring that minority groups are treated as equal, and allowed to be full, contributing, equal & fully human members of society.

It is because of my faith that I strongly believe in extending marriage to same sex couples, in order to affirm in them the possibility of knowing the fullness of love and expressing that to each other and their community.  To me, that’s more in line with my faith and the love of God, than any message of exclusion could be.

I also firmly believe that Equal Marriage will strengthen our communities and our families, and make sure that those families that are currently viewed as inferior & hidden, are able to flourish.

With kind regards

Agents against change ...

While we're on the topic of tiring of people who want to oppress the LGBT community & keep them separate & make sure they can't live openly, honestly and freely as committed & married couples in society, I tire of their nonsensical arguments.

When they can't appeal to reason & open communication, they resort to scaremongering, such as saying the LGBT community is going to cause a breakdown in the moral fibre of society, they will be harvesting straight couples' children for the gay cause, somehow allowing two people to marry will result in people wanting to marry animals, etc., etc..  With these points they merely show themselves to be fools.

When they can't scare people into following their points of view, they resort to trying to convince people that the LGBT community is not deserving of equality, because they are somehow not whole people ... they are not created in God's image, they are sexual deviants who should be shown (or trained) how to be 'normal', they are a result of a broken world and should be pitied but not equal.  With these arguments they just show themselves to be bigots, wanting to get people to side with them, because they're somehow superior (ie. school bully mentality).

If that doesn't work, then they resort to the argument that the LGBT community has never had equality before, and things have been ok, so why change now?  We've never had equal marriage before, so why introduce it now?  Of course, if this argument had been successful with other equality issues in the past, we wouldn't have women in the workplace, mixed marriages, the disability discrimination act and we'd still have slavery.  This is never a good argument against change and just shows them to be irrational and bigoted.

On BBC Breakfast this morning, MP Peter Bone claimed that Equal Marriage should not be introduced, because it wasn't in the Conservative Party Manifesto (appealing to the 'Why introduce change now' method of reasoning).  I'd like to address this fallacy.  It was indeed in the Conservative Party Manifesto 2010 - A Contract for Equalities (page 14), where it states:

We support civil partnerships and will
recognise civil partnerships in the tax system.
our plans to end the couple penalty in the
tax credits system and to introduce a new
system of flexible parental leave will apply
to all couples, regardless of whether they are
heterosexual or same sex couples.
We will also consider the case for changing the
law to allow civil partnerships to be called and
classified as marriage.

It was also covered by the press (see Pink News article here), so can't have been a surprise.

However, this has already been covered with Peter Bone by the LGBTory group (covered in this article by Pink News).  This seems to show another strategy that those against Equal Marriage attempt to employ ... they ignore the evidence, and keep making their claims, in the hope that saying it often enough will convince people of it's truth.

They're running out of reasons to oppress ... I'll be interested to see what comes up next.

Oppressor or Oppressed

I want to be patient and understanding with people who are against Equal Marriage. I want to engage in sensible and sensitive conversation with them and reach a deeper understanding of each others' viewpoints. I want to ... I really do.

But, the more I read some of the comments and outbursts against Equal Marriage, the more I'm struggling to take them seriously, when they're claiming that the introduction of Equal Marriage would be a violation of their rights and would result in them being oppressed or forced into performing things they morally object to.

I'm struggling to be patient and take them seriously, because I find it strange that they keep crying for the permission to continue oppressing others, because to be denied that would be a form of oppression against them.

An online dictionary offers the following description, which may be informative:
op·press  (-prs) tr.v. op·pressed, op·press·ing, op·press·es 1. To keep down by severe and unjust use of force or authority.

In case that doesn't help, I'd like to offer a few handy points that may help people understand the difference between the oppressed and the oppressors:

• Have you ever been stopped from marrying the person you love?
• Have you ever felt that nervous excitement when you begin to fall in love with someone, but been unable to tell them, in case they don't share your attraction and will publicly humiliate you, or beat you up?
• Despite that, have you met someone and entered into a loving, long-term relationship, but been unable to hold the hand of the person you love in public, for fear of being beaten up?
• Have you ever been told it would be better for you to marry someone you're not attracted to and don't love, because others would find that more acceptable than marrying someone of the same gender?
• In trying to defend the act of stopping you marrying the person you love, have you had your love compared to beastiality, paedophilia, necrophilia, incest or adultery?
• Have you been turned away from a faith community for being honest about who you are?
• Have you ever been told that a faith community will accept you for who you are, and after joining, discover that there are conditions such as not ever telling them when you feel lonely, are attracted to someone, start dating and fall in love?
• If you happened to have been a part of a faith community before you shared honestly with that community about who you were, were you then shamed and kicked out of that faith community?
• If you weren't kicked out of your faith community, were you subjected to humiliation as they prayed regularly that God would change you into someone they were more comfortable with?
• Have you had allegedly well-meaning people suggest that you submit yourself to "reprogramming", so that they can attempt to get you to forget your identity and change you into someone they find more acceptable?
• If, despite all the odds, and the people who hate you, and say that you disgust them, you manage to meet someone and fall in love, have you then had to keep them a secret and lie about who they are to friends, family and colleagues, even though you're desperately proud of them, for fear of being kicked out of your job or your home?
• Have you, as a result of placing your trust in someone and, sharing with them about your identity or your partner, suffered that horrible reality of losing your family or your career (or both)?
• Have you had to live for years in secret with your partner, because either (or both) of your families don't want to know about your beloved partner ... even though you both love and nurture each other ... simply because they don't like your partner's genitalia?
• Have you ever been turned away from a hospital when trying to visit your beloved, or trying to obtain information about your beloved, because your partner happens to be the same gender?
• Have you been banned from giving blood, even if you've only ever had sex with ONE person, in a stable relationship, WITH a condom?
• When you manage to put up with all of that, meet someone who you love and who loves you back, and despite all odds, you stay together until you die, are you likely to have your spouse pension be smaller than your colleagues, because you happened to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender that society wasn't comfortable with?
• When, tragically, one of you passes away, will you face the reality that you may lose the ability to leave your possessions to each other, and care for the remaining partner, because the deceased's family may disagree and may want their possessions and finances.

If you can't answer "Yes" to the above, then you're unlikely to be the oppressed.  My guess is that most of the people who are crying out about the unfairness of Equal Marriage have not faced many (or any) of the above horror scenarios.  Sadly, however, the LGBT community faces them every day.

If you still mistakenly think that you're possibly going to be oppressed by the introduction of Equal Marriage, let's get a few things straight:

• Nobody is going to force you to marry someone you don't want to.
• Nobody is going to force any church / mosque / synagogue or other faith community to perform a same-sex marriage, if that community doesn't want to.  All over the world, churches exist that won't perform marriages for divorced people, and they have the freedom to make that decision.
• However, just as you may believe that God is against Equal Marriage, there are many who believe firmly that God is for it, and also use Scripture to back up their views.  So, those communities that WANT TO perform these ceremonies, MAY be able to (it's not guaranteed ... it's just in discussion) ... in the same way that some churches choose to perform the remarriage of divorcees.
• Despite your views, IF you get invited to a same-sex wedding, nobody is going to force you to attend. People the world over turn down wedding invitations every day, and the sky doesn't fall.
• And, please, rest assured, unlike your office banter, the LGBT community are extremely unlikely to want to share anything about their sex lives with you, so if what happens in their bedrooms enters your mind at all, it's probably purely down to you.
• Contrary to popular scare-mongering, nobody is going to be recruiting children to the LGBT community ... but children will be encouraged to be themselves, without the fear of being disowned, excommunicated, beaten up or driven out.

I hope that clears things up somewhat.  If you're not the oppressed, then there is only one other group you fit into.  Also, please please PLEASE remember the importance of straight allies in all of this.  If you support the LGBT community, please let it be known.  Your voice is needed.  Blog, petition, sign, write to your MPs ... whatever, but remain engaged and help improve the lives of others.

Thank you.

Oooooh ;o)

I've just been called a 'Liberal Satanist' by one Mr Jones (allegedly) who was too cowardly to accredit his comment with any contact details. LOL. He writes, "By supporting abortion and homosexual actifities you cannot honestly claim the title of Christian, why not be honest and claim the title of Liberal Satanist."

What exactly is a Liberal Satanist? Does it mean I can be a bit flexible on the human sacrifice issue? Or is it perhaps that I don't have to wear black? Perhaps I can add chocolate to my blood cocktails? While we're on it ... what are actifities? There's a cough syrup called 'Actifed' ... is an 'Actifity' someone who uses Actifed, and actifities the plural of that?

I'm glad he felt he had to help me towards self-actualisation. Or would that be confusion? I can't tell.

However, if Mr "Jones" had read the post (which, I know, given his eloquence and spelling, is a bit doubtful), he would have seen that I never once said I support abortion. I simply said it wasn't the greatest threat to face us, and that it wasn't a simple issue. You can't apply a set of absolute values to it, because circumstances can vary greatly - from the person who wants a termination because they're not ready for a baby (which, I think could be reconsidered), and the person who needs a termination to save their life, or because the life and quality of life of the foetus is in danger, to the person who is pregnant by rape. Vastly different cases, that each need to be considered individually.

As for the gay issue, and supporting homosexuals, hear hear. I think they need all the support they can get, surrounded by bigots that discriminate against them simply for being who they are. Perhaps Mr "Jones" is of the ill-informed school of thought that thinks that gay men are - in fact - straight men who decided in a weak moment to start shagging other straight blokes up the arse. That it was entirely a cognitive decision ... a giving in to weakness. LOL!!!

I wonder if he lies awake at night, worrying about whether or not he'll be strong enough to resist that first tender touch from a guy. Don't worry sweetie ... it's not an actual decision. It's just something gay people are. They're born gay, and they can't be anything but gay, because that's what they are, what they were made, and what they were created to be.

Perhaps Mr "Jones" would be more at home in Westboro Baptist Church, who can be seen in this photograph, spreading the good news about Jesus Christ to their community?
Of course, their method of communication is not educated, nor even Biblical, but it's important to let these people busy themselves with simple tasks, such as colouring in bright signs ... it keeps them happy.

Oh, and to another poster, who didn't leave any contact details, other than the name 'Chuck', whose offering to help make me straight ... no thanks. I'm happy just the way I am. I tried that whole 'make you straight' rubbish once ... was the most screwed up 3 years of my life, with people making me feel guilty for being who I was, telling me my parents were to blame for me being gay, and that I just had to unlearn to be me, and then relearn how to be a good little clone. No thanks. It screwed me up big time, until someone had the sense to tell me that I am as I was created to be, and that God loves me just as I am. He doesn't love us when we conform to a set of rules, He loves us as we are.

And there's nothing wrong with being gay. "If it aint broke, don't fix it." Gay people are not 'imperfect', 'broken' or 'outside the divine plan'. Consider, oh "straight" man, what you're implying by saying that gay people are imperfect and a deviation from God's created "norm". Are you suggesting that God makes mistakes? Or, are you suggesting that God is unfair and chooses to produce some people ok, and others all imperfect? Either is blasphemy. Consider, instead that the gay man is as God intended them to be, and that they need to be the best at being who they are, in order to honour their Creator.

I'm so grateful for the enlightenment ... I shall sleep much better tonight. And, for the record, don't expect me to reply to each I'll-help-you-be-just-like-me, or homophobic post. Much less posters that don't have contact details.