Equality in Kansas

I had the opportunity to visit Kansas last week, and jumped at the opportunity ... After all, it'll be at least another ten years before I get another period of extended ministerial development leave, and the opportunity to visit Kansas may not present itself next time.

Why Kansas? Because it's home to two people I've been interacting with online for a while now, regarding equality, equal rights and the church ...

Firstly, Sarah Manley (writer of the Nerdy Apple blog, amongst other claims to fame) and I started chatting online after her blog went viral, and found ourselves exchanging ideas on equality. I love her sense of justice, and her humour and sarcasm, and that she is also a fantastic straight ally for the LGBTQ community. A straight ally is a powerful and lovely thing, and we always need more.

Secondly, Matthew Vines, who I started chatting to and exchanging messages with after his YouTube video about the Bible and homosexuality went viral.  Matthew's video is detailed, precise and a great resource, but is only the beginning.  As someone who has experienced homophobia, and been kicked out of the parish I was serving my curacy in, because the rector had a problem with me being gay, I was grateful to have access to an online tool that I could refer people to, and enjoyed messaging Matthew, and watching the growth of his ministry.

Both Sarah & Matthew have been an encouragement to me, and when the opportunity to take a short trip to Kansas presented itself, I decided it was one I couldn't miss.

It was exciting to meet Sarah and her husband, "The Detective" ;-) , to learn more about the paths we'd walked that helped shape our attitudes to inequality, and to get to know each other better, over copious quantities of affordable, good, BBQ food. We were the last three to leave the restaurant and I left grateful, encouraged (& stuffed).

With Sarah

In order to meet Matthew, I would have to drive right by Topeka, and I had a morbid curiosity about stopping off to look at Westboro Baptist Church (infamous for not having anything positive to say about anything or anyone, and for picketing soldiers' funerals, and praising God for the death of everyone except themselves).  I was intrigued, but also apprehensive ... having had such a positive inclusive time so far, I didn't want expose myself unnecessarily to homophobia (it's all unnecessary, but there's enough homophobia in daily life, politics, society and media, without looking for more).

On Matthew's suggestion, however, I stopped by the Equality House (which is across the road from WBC), & knocked on the door, not really knowing if it was a private home or an office (the answer is, both!).

I was met by, and welcomed in by Amelia and Aaron, and found out more about their ministry, about how they're helping to bring hope and a positive message to an area often shrouded in negativity. I learned that the Equality House is a charity, and very much needs the support of others, in order to continue offering themselves in this way. If you have the means, please do consider supporting them financially. If you don't have the means to give financially, support them with your prayers and by making more people aware of them, or by holding a fundraiser for them.

The Equality House

Interestingly, because I so enjoyed the Equality House and chatting with Amelia and Aaron, I nearly forgot that I wanted a photo of Westboro Baptist church, and quickly snapped one before rushing off. Their ministry turned a stopover in the same street as Westboro Baptist Church into a positive experience.

A sad group of people, centred around an angry, xenophobic old man.

With that done, I continued on to Wichita, and it was great to finally meet up with Matthew in person and discover the mind and person behind his studies and video, and also to learn more about the Reformation project, that has come out of that initial video. The Reformation Project aims to offer intensive training to people, to help them counter homophobia in their communities and congregations.

It was lovely seeing how excited Matthew is by his ministry, and how it energises him. The fight against homophobia and for recognition and equality so often exhausts us, that it's energising to meet someone who themselves is excited by it.  When the Reformation Project outgrows it's Wichita base, it'd be lovely to look at bringing it over to the UK, and I'll continue to watch Matthew's progress with interest.

With Matthew Vines in Wichita

I'm so glad I got the opportunity to meet up with Sarah & the Detective, & Matthew, and to have the opportunity to add to what has already been such a positive experience in San Francisco on this sabbatical.  It's incredible how I've gotten to know most of my contacts for this Sabbatical over the internet, (thank you, Sir Tim Berners-Lee!) and it's been fantastic to get the chance to meet them, and learn so much from such great people.

God's amazing grace ...

I've been reading up today on some interesting developments with Westboro Baptist Church (of 'God Hates Fags' picketing fame) and it's been quite reassuring that God can bring change to even the hardest hearts.

Over the years, Westboro Baptist has become more synonymous with speaking hatred than with any positive message of the Gospel, and they've gained much publicity from picketing outside the funerals of soldiers, stating that they've gone to hell, and also issuing statements claiming that natural disasters have been God's judgement on anyone and everyone that doesn't hold the same views as them.

In the early days, when I first became aware of them, I was incensed by how blatantly they could get away with causing so much hurt, with such disregard for the pain of the surviving families that were exposed to their picketing.  On one or two occasions, I even emailed and entered into a bit of email to-ing & fro-ing with one of the women in the Phelps' family, trying to reason with them about God's grace.  Eventually, I realised that all I and others were doing was feeding their need for attention and exacerbating matters, rather than calming them.  So I lost interest and only heard about them very occasionally.

Today, I spotted an article on the Huffington Post website, about Lauren Drain (@LaurenDrain on twitter), who left the cult and has recently been photographed for the NoH8 campaign. Lauren now speaks out against bullying and has written a book, titled "Banished", about how she was cast out of the church and cut off from her family when she began questioning their teaching.

In her statement on the NoH8 website, Lauren says:

"The main reason I posed for the NOH8 Campaign was in direct response to the judgements of the WBC. I wanted to show people that despite having grown up within the cult and having spent a good portion of my life on the picket line, holding signs condemning our deceased soldiers, revelling in any and all forms of tragedy and simply striving to be hurtful in the name of God; that the WBC is wrong and what I did at the time was wrong!"

In the HuffPost article, it mentions a few other defectors, so I read up a bit more about them.

• Nate Phelps, Fred Phelps' son, now 56, defected at age 18, is now executive director of the Center for Inquiry Canada and is on the board of directors of the group Recovering from Religion. He is also an activist for gay rights and often speaks out against WBC.
• One article states that, since 2004, 20 members have left the Westboro Baptist Church, three-fourths of them in their teens or 20s.
• Libby Phelps Alvarez left WBC in March 2009, according to this HuffPost article, and approximately 4 years later "gave an emotional interview to NBC's "Today Show," in which she described the controlling life of hatred and intolerance that she's left behind."
• Most recently, Megan (@MeganPhelps on twitter) and Grace Phelps-Roper (@graceephelps), two of Fred Phelps' granddaughters, left together in November 2012.  The family had placed a lot of hope for the future of the church squarely on Megan's shoulders.  She was the one who pioneered the use of social media at Westboro, becoming the first in her family to go on Twitter, and even had responsibility for the congregation's protest schedule.
  In November of 2012, Megan and her sister Grace left the church (ref. HuffPost article).  In this blog post (from 6 February 2013), Megan shares about their recent journey from judgement to inclusivity, and says:
  

  We know that we’ve done and said things that hurt people. Inflicting pain on others wasn’t the goal, but it was one of the outcomes. We wish it weren’t so, and regret that hurt.

  We know that we dearly love our family. They now consider us betrayers, and we are cut off from their lives, but we know they are well-intentioned. We will never not love them.

  We know that we can’t undo our whole lives. We can’t even say we’d want to if we could; we are who we are because of all the experiences that brought us to this point. What we can do is try to find a better way to live from here on. That’s our focus.

  Megan also recently had an interview with Jeff Chu (@JeffChu on twitter), and shared with emotion how difficult the journey has been for her and Grace.

I know that, for many, this will feel like 'too little, too late', but this has been a very encouraging evening's reading for me. It's a blessed reminder that hearts of stone can be changed, and that there is hope in engaging with people who are anti-gay.  It comes at a great cost to the LGBT community and their allies, who have to face name-calling, physical & emotional abuse, heartache, anger and hatred for nothing other than being themselves.

However, I know this change comes at a great cost to Megan & Grace, too, and they have had to leave behind their loved ones, and their understanding of the world and their taught interpretation of the Bible.  Although my circumstances were different (I was on the receiving end of homophobia), I had to leave my home & my community too ... I was in an evangelical congregation in South Africa, and tried desperately - through prayer, counselling & attendance at ex-gay ministry group meetings - to change into a straight person, but I was still kicked out of my community & congregation when they discovered I was gay. As a result, I ended up having to leave my home & the country, but - thankfully I didn't lose my family.  Although the counselling & ministry I was subjected to had made me sever ties with my family - thankfully I was able to reunite with them.

So, although the circumstances are entirely different, I know something of the desolation and the gaping hole that being suddenly uprooted from your community, your life, your friends and support structures leaves behind. They have made a brave decision, but this is, no doubt, an emotional, lonely and insecure time for them, and I hope that they find comfort from the inclusive communities around them, and I thank them for taking the courage to make this step.  Welcome, & bless you all.

Who knows ... during my Sabbatical leave later this year, if I pass through their neck of the woods, I may even try and meet up with them for a meal or a coffee.  That's not something I thought I would ever say.

At last Fred Phelps gets his come-uppance!

At last, Fred Phelps and his deluded cult have got their just reward for spreading hate and promoting extremism.

In today's Newswatch email from the Bible Society,

"ROGUE CHURCH ORDERED TO COMPENSATE SOLDIER'S FAMILY
An independent church that pickets US soldiers' funerals claiming their deaths are a punishment for American tolerance of homosexuality has been fined $10.9 million. Grieving father Albert Snyder sued the Westboro Baptist Church after members demonstrated at the funeral of his son, Marine Lance Corporal Matthew Snyder, who was killed in Iraq. The church – composed largely of members of its leader's relatives – regularly attends military funerals waving banners declaring 'God hates fags' and 'Thank God for dead soldiers'. A Baltimore jury ruled that the church had violated the family's privacy and deliberately inflicted emotional distress."

Sources: The Guardian (1/11); The Times (1/11)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2203227,00.html
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article2783974.ece

In my opinion, they should be pursued and forced to pay.  They've done nothing but spread grief and cause emotional turmoil for grieving families, and forced their hatred on others when they are most vulnerable.  Perhaps a life of working to pay off $11m will quiet them down enough to enable them to rethink.

Oooooh ;o)

I've just been called a 'Liberal Satanist' by one Mr Jones (allegedly) who was too cowardly to accredit his comment with any contact details. LOL. He writes, "By supporting abortion and homosexual actifities you cannot honestly claim the title of Christian, why not be honest and claim the title of Liberal Satanist."

What exactly is a Liberal Satanist? Does it mean I can be a bit flexible on the human sacrifice issue? Or is it perhaps that I don't have to wear black? Perhaps I can add chocolate to my blood cocktails? While we're on it ... what are actifities? There's a cough syrup called 'Actifed' ... is an 'Actifity' someone who uses Actifed, and actifities the plural of that?

I'm glad he felt he had to help me towards self-actualisation. Or would that be confusion? I can't tell.

However, if Mr "Jones" had read the post (which, I know, given his eloquence and spelling, is a bit doubtful), he would have seen that I never once said I support abortion. I simply said it wasn't the greatest threat to face us, and that it wasn't a simple issue. You can't apply a set of absolute values to it, because circumstances can vary greatly - from the person who wants a termination because they're not ready for a baby (which, I think could be reconsidered), and the person who needs a termination to save their life, or because the life and quality of life of the foetus is in danger, to the person who is pregnant by rape. Vastly different cases, that each need to be considered individually.

As for the gay issue, and supporting homosexuals, hear hear. I think they need all the support they can get, surrounded by bigots that discriminate against them simply for being who they are. Perhaps Mr "Jones" is of the ill-informed school of thought that thinks that gay men are - in fact - straight men who decided in a weak moment to start shagging other straight blokes up the arse. That it was entirely a cognitive decision ... a giving in to weakness. LOL!!!

I wonder if he lies awake at night, worrying about whether or not he'll be strong enough to resist that first tender touch from a guy. Don't worry sweetie ... it's not an actual decision. It's just something gay people are. They're born gay, and they can't be anything but gay, because that's what they are, what they were made, and what they were created to be.

Perhaps Mr "Jones" would be more at home in Westboro Baptist Church, who can be seen in this photograph, spreading the good news about Jesus Christ to their community?
Of course, their method of communication is not educated, nor even Biblical, but it's important to let these people busy themselves with simple tasks, such as colouring in bright signs ... it keeps them happy.

Oh, and to another poster, who didn't leave any contact details, other than the name 'Chuck', whose offering to help make me straight ... no thanks. I'm happy just the way I am. I tried that whole 'make you straight' rubbish once ... was the most screwed up 3 years of my life, with people making me feel guilty for being who I was, telling me my parents were to blame for me being gay, and that I just had to unlearn to be me, and then relearn how to be a good little clone. No thanks. It screwed me up big time, until someone had the sense to tell me that I am as I was created to be, and that God loves me just as I am. He doesn't love us when we conform to a set of rules, He loves us as we are.

And there's nothing wrong with being gay. "If it aint broke, don't fix it." Gay people are not 'imperfect', 'broken' or 'outside the divine plan'. Consider, oh "straight" man, what you're implying by saying that gay people are imperfect and a deviation from God's created "norm". Are you suggesting that God makes mistakes? Or, are you suggesting that God is unfair and chooses to produce some people ok, and others all imperfect? Either is blasphemy. Consider, instead that the gay man is as God intended them to be, and that they need to be the best at being who they are, in order to honour their Creator.

I'm so grateful for the enlightenment ... I shall sleep much better tonight. And, for the record, don't expect me to reply to each I'll-help-you-be-just-like-me, or homophobic post. Much less posters that don't have contact details.