Equal Marriage bill in the house of Lords

Considering the Pink News headline that "Peers plan revolt against equal marriage bill as it goes to Lords", and calls from groups working for equality that we write to a peer to appeal to them support the bill, I decided, perhaps ambitiously, to write to Lord D Stoddart, as follows:

I write, as a gay man, as a Christian, as a member of the Church of
England Clergy, and as a proud citizen of the United Kingdom, regarding
the sensitive matter of equal marriage.

My partner and I have been together for five years, and love each other
deeply, and he proposed to me in November of 2011. He proposed that we
be married, not that we be Civil(ly) Partnered.  However, we quickly
discovered how deep the inequalities in society go.

Even though our love is sincere and we had a deep desire to commit to
each other for life, we are not allowed to do so, without seeking the
permission of any number of people who may object to that, for no other
reason than it offends them.

We cannot walk down the road holding hands, for fear of being pursued
and attacked ... something which, sadly, is on the increase, as some
feel - no doubt as a result of some of the deliberate scaremongering
and names used in the press about the Equal Marriage bill - that they
have the permission of the law of the land to ostracise and hate the
LGBT community.  This is made painfully clear in the attack on Chris
Bryant, MP.

We have to be extra careful when making travel arrangements, so that we
only pick venues that would be happy to have us stay, and not risk harm
or hatred when we're trying to relax away from work commitments.

We were joined together in a Civil Partnership in June of last year,
because we didn't want to wait an indeterminate amount of time for the
law to change.    If (dare I utter the word 'When'?) the law is changed,
it is our intention to convert our Civil Partnership to a marriage, as
that is how we view ourselves, and - frankly - how all our friends and
family view our relationship.

When the banns for our Civil Ceremony were published, no address
details could be published, as they are with straight couples, lest we
become victims of hate crime.

From the Church of England's perspective, before we could enter into a
Civil Partnership, I had to have a conversation with my Diocesan
Bishop, under the premise that we would only live together as
house-mates or platonic friends ... the Church of England officially
forbids us from having any kind of active sexual relationship (although
how they plan to police this is a mystery to all).

These are just the beginning when it comes to the inequalities faced by
us and many hundreds of thousands other gay couples.

Legally, there are plenty of other inequalities ...
My partner works for an airline, and is away from home and in another
country on average four days out of seven.  If something were to happen
to him while he was abroad, I would have no right to visit him in
hospital, or to access any information about him, should he be
incapable of speaking to me on the phone, merely because I am not his
legally recognised spouse.  This is true EVEN if we were to be
travelling together, and even if we were travelling in a country that
has Equal Marriage, because ours is not a recognised equal marriage,
but some in-between legal state.

I'm not sure if you're aware of the heartbreaking case of American Shane Bitney
Crone & his partner Tom Bridegroom, where Tom tragically died, and
Shane was forbidden by the hospital to access any information about
Tom, banned from seeing Tom, and where Tom's family were able to remove
possessions that belonged to the couple jointly and then banned Shane
from attending Tom's funeral.  There is a more detailed account of
their story at http://youtu.be/pR9gyloyOjM .

Add to this other inequalities that exist in our 'fair' society, such
as not being able to donate blood if you've had sex with someone of the
same gender within the twelve month period prior to donation (even if
that was exclusively with your long-term life partner), and it begins
to point out how little equality there is for the LGBT community, and
why we feel we're often regarded as second-class citizens.

Some who are against equal marriage are trying to paint this as merely
an attempt to avoid inheritance tax, which simply is not the truth.  We
want to be able to commit to the person we love, for life, the same as
everyone else, and not have a special term for it that identifies us as
different or 'less than'. We want to be protected in law, as
individuals and couples, in the same way that our straight brothers and
sisters are protected, and we want to be able to love our partners,
without fear of expulsion, attack or belittling.

With regard to the religious arguments against equal marriage ...
they're very emotive, but - and I say this as a member of the clergy
who deeply believes that religion has a role to play in blessing and
supporting committed relationships - is not relevant for the law of the
land.  Marriage was not invented by the Church, nor is it a purely
Biblical principle. It is something that is mentioned in the Bible, but
the context, the circumstances and the regulations surrounding it
change several times within the same book.  Some will argue that the
Old Testament manifestations of marriage (marrying widows as the spoils
or rewards of war, marrying slaves, marrying your brother's widow,
etc., etc..) are made irrelevant by the New Testament, but these same
people will then lean heavily on other Old Testament scriptures from
Leviticus & Deuteronomy, to condemn LGBT people, and ignore the fact
that the person of Jesus Christ was mute on gender orientation.

Our understanding of morality changes from area to area, age to age,
culture to culture, world view to world view and faith to faith.  I
believe that faith should be a support, a comfort & should bless
committed relationships, and support them in forming cohesive
communities.  If, however, a particular church or faith community felt
that they were unable to support same-sex couples in seeking that
community's blessing for their relationship, I can't see that that
would be a problem, as many churches currently will not remarry
divorcees, and are under no pressure to do so. Indeed, some churches
only marry members, and others still - members who are regular
attenders.  The idea that all faith communities will be forced to
conduct Equal Marriage ceremonies is merely an attempt at manipulating
the emotions of people to support the status quo, and keep the LGBT
community as second-class citizens, who have to love in private,
surrounded by an aire of suspicion and fear.

I do hope that you can see the hurt behind these words, and my
desperate hope that the law will be changed to allow us to be equals in
society, able to care for each other, able to love each other, and able
to provide for each other, without some people feeling they have the
right to forbid us from doing so, or hate us for doing so, because the
law encourages them to see us as different.

I also hope that you will lend your support to the bill, and encourage
you to get in touch if you have any questions.

With kind regards

As we're always asked to write personally, rather than just add our name to pre-prepared letters, I decided to try a personal and heartfelt approach.  Some of this may be clumsily written, but it is as it went out, so bear with me.

I received an instant automatic reply, which is strange, considering they themselves don't like instant, automated emails.  The reply came in the form of a .doc attachment (they didn't even have the decency to paste my name at the top ... reinforcing the message that we're second-class citizens), which simply said,

Re. your email

Lord Stoddart of Swindon will be supporting Lord Dear’s amendment to refuse a second reading to the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill on 3^rd June.

I appeal to anyone in support of Equal Marriage to make sure that you write to someone in the House of Lords, and appeal to them to support the bill.  I shall now send my email to Lord Dear ... no harm ...

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of ...

For a change, I'll start and end this post with a verse from the Bible, that's worth bearing in mind when reading some of the comments. As always, verses are best applied contextually, considering the context of the reader, the writer and the verse's own context, but as the Fundamentalists are often fond of quoting single verses in support of their exclusive arguments, I think it only fair to put these two verses here, as they can speak volumes into the situation.

(With apologies for the wealth of links in this post, but I wanted to give them as a means of reference & elaborating on points.)

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Luke 6:45
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

- New International Version - UK (NIVUK)

_________________________________________________________

The arguments against Equal Marriage are becoming more and more ludicrous and increasingly detached from reality.  Surely this is a good thing ... if these people make themselves known, we can begin to get them the specialist help and attention they sorely need.  Clearly, they are incapable of coherent thought, have lost their grip on reality, and pose a significant threat to themselves & others.

Here are some of the more ludicrous arguments given publicly recently (in most cases, I've copied the text from the headlines or subheadings of articles that are linked at the end of each bullet point ... some, but not all, words are my own):

• Firstly, the seemingly particularly hateful Lynette Burrows, who claimed in a debate at Oxford University that children should be with "straight sluts and drug addicts," rather than "Sodomites"! http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/30/lynette-burrows-children-should-be-with-straight-sluts-and-drug-addicts-rather-than-sodomites/
• Lavinia Sealy, the Conservative chair of Surrey County Council says she is “fundamentally opposed” to equal marriage and that it will have “negative consequences for “families and children” – she also claims “there are lots of gays in the media” and “if anybody speaks out, you’re rubbished.” http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/30/surrey-council-tory-chairwoman-says-same-sex-marriage-is-dangerous-to-children-blasts-gays-in-the-media/
• Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has told students in Surrey that allowing gay couples to marry would be like sanctioning incest. http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/28/exclusive-defence-secretary-philip-hammond-links-incest-with-same-sex-marriage/ although he's now saying that he didn't claim that, with some opposition from the students he was speaking with http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/28/philip-hammond-denies-same-sex-marriage-incest-claims/
• Anthony Ozimic, a member of the Society for the Protection of Unborn Children, a lobby group opposed to abortion rights, says the teaching of equal marriage in schools would lead to the “promotion” of gay lifestyles. He claimed allowing schools to teach their students about the topic will “confuse and mislead children about the nature and meaning of sexuality,” and that marriage has always been “heterosexual”. He also described same-sex marriage as a “category error” and that homosexuality is “not natural” and said “homosexuals are promiscuous”.
  http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/21/video-anti-abortion-uk-activist-says-homosexuals-are-promiscuous-and-equal-marriage-will-confuse-children/
• Just this morning, I was made aware of this guy, who says "David Cameron is an anti-Christ", the UK is evil and all those who support Equal Marriage "will go to hell".  He feels so strongly about Equal Marriage that he's planning on sleeping rough on the night the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill is discussed in Parliament ( https://twitter.com/kleephotography/status/296902362658910209/photo/1 ). He's also recorded this particularly interesting video about his feelings on the matter http://youtu.be/m9bTtLPBAfU 
• We all know the Catholic church's official stance of being particularly strongly against Equal Marriage (or equality for women, or transparent accounting, or accountability for it's leaders).  Their homophobic views are often not mirrored by those in the pews (who have often been pressured into signing the petition against Equal Marriage, en masse, during church services), and who have been writing into the Catholic publication, The Tablet, stating their disapproval.  Nevertheless, these views are sidelined, while their leaders bombard the press with letters and press statements that are increasingly ludicrous (and, I hope, futile!).
  One of the most recent statements comes from Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, of San Francisco, who stated that 'gay marriage is like male breastfeeding'?! http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/archbishop-says-gay-marriage-male-breastfeeding290113
  Their own Pope Benedict said in a speech that "gay people are not fully developed humans" http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/pope-says-gay-people-are-not-fully-developed-humans280912
  Indeed, he dislikes gay people so passionately, that he used his speech on World Peace Day to describe same-sex marriage as "a threat to justice and peace," adding that "it will spark harm for society." http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/12/14/pope-uses-peace-day-message-to-attack-same-sex-marriage/
  They changed tack a little recently, when they pushed out a document, stating that they recognised "that gay couples make loving parents but they must be banned from marriage."  http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/29/catholic-church-we-recognise-that-gay-couples-make-loving-parents-but-they-must-be-banned-from-marriage/
  Although, sense & reason should depart shortly, because there's been a last-ditch call to action by the Archbishop of Southwark, the Most Rev Peter Smith, who says “the time to act is now,” and has initiated the printing of another million postcards (coercing faithful members to litter letterboxes, churches & streets) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9830044/Gay-marriage-Catholic-Church-tells-priests-time-to-act-is-now.html
  In addition, they've issued a document which alludes to teachers in Catholic schools being demoted or dismissed if they are in a same-sex relationship ... The document states “a partnership of intimacy with another person, outside a form of marriage approved by the church…can be removed from office.” http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/01/28/catholic-church-warns-gay-teachers-they-risk-the-sack-if-they-marry-or-enter-into-civil-partnerships/

When you look at all of that, it's amazing that they get away with all of this openly and freely, without facing the consequences of their abuse. However, they are quick to claim that they're the victims of inequality, and they are being bullied by the pro Equal Marriage folk. Last time I checked, nobody was calling them incestuous, perverse, promiscuous Sodomites that are not fully developed humans, and are threatening justice & peace, bringing harm to society, endangering children.

Perhaps the silver lining in all this is that now that these comments are coming out in the open, people can finally get to see these people for the deluded, discriminatory, hate-filled manipulators of power that they are.

To expand on this, this is a very compelling and enlightening video by Roger Ross Williams, featuring the Revd. Kapya Kaoma, speaking about how money donated by American evangelicals helps to finance a violent anti-gay movement in Africa, and sheds light on the desire for power over politics, finances, entertainment and spirituality. http://www.nytimes.com/video/2013/01/22/opinion/100000002020130/gospel-of-intolerance.html?WT.mc_id=NYT-E-I-NYT-E-AT-0130-L20&nl=el

Roger Ross Williams is Director of the film, "God Loves Uganda" (http://www.godlovesuganda.com/), a feature-length, in-depth look at the evangelical campaign to change African culture with values imported from America’s Christian Right.

Compare the above comments with the comments from somebody like Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu who recorded this message ( http://youtu.be/NV-9EjzmpE0 ) for the OUT in Africa film festival a few years ago, where he speaks about the blessing of our sexuality, or this video where he speaks about homosexuals ( http://youtu.be/Zhu_ryd3Dak ).

Consider also the very measured study by Matthew Vines, looking sensitively & sensibly at both sides of the discussion ( http://youtu.be/ezQjNJUSraY ).

Bear both of these people (and hundreds of thousands of others who offer support & love because of their faith) in mind, in the light of the Scripture verse at the top of this post, and the one below:

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Matthew 7:15-17
15 ‘Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognise them. Do people pick grapes from thorn-bushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

- New International Version - UK (NIVUK)

Some are MORE EQUAL than others

Regarding Equal Marriage, a friend of mine sent me this email:

Naturally I read lots of newspapers and it seems that with gay marriage, the reports are mainly on politicians opposing it. With so much opposition from people in positions of power, it seems unlikely to me that it will ever be legalised. This makes me worry that as I grow into middle and old age, we, as members of the gay community, will always be second class citizens. If the law doesn't give us equal rights to straight people, won't it act as a cue for society to regard us as "not quite as equal"? It's actually a scary thought to think that when I retire in the year 2056, the government will still regard me as "not quite as equal". It puts me in mind of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' and that phrase that the pigs painted: "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others". It genuinely scares me. I don't even want to get married, but I do want to be acknowledged as being as equal as a homeless person, a homeowner, a CEO and the Royal Family. Is there anything I can do to fight for our cause?

Here's my reply:

It's true, but many people seem unaware that the LGBT community are being treated as second-class citizens. They seem to think that by letting us have 'almost' weddings and by not beating us up when we go out (as long as we're not TOO gay), or by treating us as a novelty, that they're doing their bit and that we're all good with that.

However, it's not all negative ... the anti lobby is very vocal, so it may seem that they hold the reigns, but the pro's are doing better than everyone seems to think. Like I've said in the past, tho' ... people who're against Equality and Equal Marriage can be as vocal as they wish, and it's seen as 'supporting their faith' or 'values', etc., but many who are pro Equality & Equal Marriage often can't speak out, because they're not out themselves, or because (in the case of clergy), doing so puts their head above the parapet and risks them going against their superiors, and potentially endangers future jobs.

I think it's crucial to remain engaged and to be sharing the truth with friends, family & colleagues. Information and education are key. Many people may think that Equal Marriage is wrong, because that's what they're hearing. Many people think that Civil Partnership is enough and offers the same as marriage, because that's what they're hearing. They need to be given the truth.

If u take a look at my youtube playlist http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV-9EjzmpE0&feature=share&list=PLB169B8F471E38896 there are plenty of resources there (videos 6, 7 & 11 are ones I find I keep referring back to). If u share them or the information in them with the people around you, they can hear some of the truth about the inequality that exists.

The other thing about the struggle at the moment, is that politicians are too comfortable. Too many are claiming that they haven't heard from their LGBT constituents (why would they willingly identify themselves as such in the current climate?!) who want Equal Marriage, but they've heard from plenty of bigots that don't. So keep writing, phoning, emailing and encourage your friends & family to do the same, even if (ESPECIALLY IF) they're not LGB or T themselves (allies have enormous influence - and a safer platform to speak from).

And so, to all ... please, remain engaged & vocal, & share, share, SHARE

Why I BELIEVE FIRMLY in Equal Marriage ...

I was asked by a contact at the Portsmouth News to respond to some comments made about the government's Equal Marriage proposals (article here).  Here is the letter I sent. I don't know if it'll be used, but I wanted to include it in my blog, to keep the coversation going. Equality needs a voice.

Dear Sir / Madam

I am saddened by the response of many Christians and churches to the government’s consultation on Equal Marriage.  As an ordained member of the Church of England clergy, I stand wholeheartedly behind the Prime Minister’s stance on Equal Marriage.

My understanding of the proposal is that it will aim to allow loving same-sex couples to enter into loving, long-term, committed marriages, with the full legal protection that marriage offers.  No more of the strange terminology of attempting to say that someone is “civilly partnered” to someone else, and no more of the differentiation in society where a Civil Partnership is somehow less than a marriage.

If I could look at some of the arguments against Equal Marriage:

• Those who argue against Equal Marriage, stating that Civil Partnership is the legal equivalent of marriage, but with a different name, don’t understand the legal complexities and the differences between the two.  The fact is that Civil Partners don’t enjoy the same legal protection and provision as married couples.
• Those who state that Equal Marriage is against their faith, need to understand that it is against THEIR INTERPRETATION of their faith (or someone else’s interpretation passed along to them). There are other ways of reading Scripture, other ways of interpreting tradition, and other ways of being Christian. The existence of the Lesbian & Gay Christian Movement, Accepting Evangelicals, Two:23, Courage UK, Inclusive Church and other groups in the UK – not to mention International groups are evidence of that.
  I also really struggle with people of faith, who state that they accept the LGBT community, but then label their loving relationships as a perversion of family values, with catastrophic consequences for the future.  In statements like that, it won’t be the message of acceptance that the LGBT community hears, and it certainly won’t instill (& hasn’t instilled-) in them the desire to explore faith.
• Those who try to panic people into believing that the proposed changes will result in churches being forced to conduct same-sex marriages have either not read – or not understood – the proposals, and haven’t looked at history.
  There are churches the whole world over that won’t perform marriage ceremonies for people who are divorced, as a matter of conscience.  They have the freedom to do so, and the divorced couples seek another church. This matter is no different.  The consultation was simply looking at whether or not some faith communities should be allowed to opt in, if they wish, the same way some choose to remarry divorcees.
• Finally, I struggle with those that play the numbers game; that state that the LGBT community should not be allowed Equal Marriage, because they are in the minority? I thought the purpose of Equality legislation was precisely to protect minority groups.  The majority already have a voice, and already enjoy a privileged place in society by virtue of being the majority. We should be concerned with ensuring that minority groups are treated as equal, and allowed to be full, contributing, equal & fully human members of society.

It is because of my faith that I strongly believe in extending marriage to same sex couples, in order to affirm in them the possibility of knowing the fullness of love and expressing that to each other and their community.  To me, that’s more in line with my faith and the love of God, than any message of exclusion could be.

I also firmly believe that Equal Marriage will strengthen our communities and our families, and make sure that those families that are currently viewed as inferior & hidden, are able to flourish.

With kind regards