My response to the House of Bishops' "Pastoral" Guidance

On 15 February, the House of Bishops released their "Pastoral" Guidance on Same Sex Marriage (text here).  That they would draw up the document on Valentine's Day is a kick in the teeth, that they would embargo it until the next day is less than honest.

Following on from an article in the Church Times, where I offered my view on the House of Bishops' "Pastoral" Guidance (see a copy here), I'd like to add to what I expressed there, and give some context.

Two sections are of particular interest to me:

Acts of worship following civil same sex weddings
21.  The same approach as commended in the 2005 statement should therefore apply to couples who enter same-sex marriage, on the assumption that any prayer will be accompanied by pastoral discussion of the church's teaching and their reasons for departing from it. Services of blessing should not be provided. Clergy should respond pastorally and sensitively in other ways.Clergy and ordinands
27.  The House is not, therefore, willing for those who are in a same sex marriage to be ordained to any of the three orders of ministry. In addition it considers that it would not be appropriate conduct for someone in holy orders to enter into a same sex marriage, given the need for clergy to model the Church's teaching in their lives.

When it comes to equality, unless we are capable of preaching a positive message, we are - in fact - preaching a negative one.  If you produce something that mentions that the LGBT community and/or their relationships are a deviation from the norm, it will be used to oppress people.

As a Church, surely we have to be sending out a message that affirms, includes & CELEBRATES our LGBT community - their gifts, talents, hopes & dreams & their desire to commit to loving same-sex partners that will benefit their local community & our faith communities.

Currently, the message being given out is that we endure or tolerate our LGBT members ... which is a negative message, not a positive one.  You tolerate or endure an illness or a mouth ulcer, not a human being.

What's more, if you send out a message of tolerating or enduring someone, you're encouraging them to see themselves as a burden, as somehow less worthy than other members of the community, thereby adding to issues of self-worth and mental health. I believe the Church should be affirming and blessing people, not making them feel inferior or imperfect.

Sadly, though, once again, we are being asked to create an "Us and them" mindset. We are being asked to make the LGBT people in our congregations feel inferior by discussing with them how they've departed from Church teaching.  There are those that can, by their nature, live within Church teaching, and those who now, simply because of who they are, can never comply with it.

There is no way that church can be a welcoming place, while the institution aims to highlight the reasons why you are departing from Church teaching, rather than celebrate your presence & your gifts.  In addition, this difference which we are being asked to highlight will, in effect, enable others to discriminate against LGBT church members.
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To illustrate, I'll share some of my experiences under "Issues in Human Sexuality".  "Issues" was a guide to facilitate discussion in the Church on sexuality.

In reality, many Diocesan bishops, Diocesan Directors of Ordination and clergy used it as ratification to enforce their own bigoted views, and discipline anyone who didn't comply.  It was treated as Canon Law, rather than a discussion document. 

           I came to faith at the age of 17, and - at the age of 18 - entered into full-time ministry as a Pioneer Youth Worker & missionary in disadvantaged rural communities in South Africa.  From there, I entered into employment as a full-time Youth Pastor in my home diocese, where I worked for 6 years, developing a ministry across the city and across the diocese; training youth pastors, and running regional youth camps and mission and evangelism initiatives in several local schools, and - together with non-denominational groups - ran programmes that ministered to thousands of young people across the city over the summer holiday period.  I ran teen groups, junior groups, toddler groups, young adult groups and student groups, ran training events for youth groups and youth pastors.

            At the same time, I was struggling with my own sexual identity, but was aware of the wretched “Issues in Human Sexuality” document, and so remained celibate and desperately lonely, and even subjected myself to 3 years of reparative therapy and support groups aimed at making me straight.  They were the 3 single most miserable years of my life, where I began to believe that I either didn’t have enough faith to change who I was, or didn’t matter enough to God to be granted a change.  I lost contact with my family (the group & counsellor’s advice was that I was gay by nurture, and that I needed to distance myself from those that had caused me to have this “broken identity”), and I remember sharing with a friend that the only reason I did not commit suicide, was because I believed the hell I found myself in was somehow better than the hell I would go to for being gay.

            By this stage, I was also juggling a Theology degree by distance learning, and the Diocese had ordained me to the diaconate, and I was serving my curacy.  At my lowest point, my training rector asked me to confide in him what was going on in my private life, and I shared what I was feeling, grateful to get it out in the open.

            What followed was a systematic breakdown of my private and professional life; I was subjected to him spreading rumours about me around the parish, trying to force me into a relationship with the parish youth worker and - when we both refused - he tried to force us to cohabit in the parish house, he had public notices about me pinned to external noticeboards, stating that I had strayed and needed to be disciplined.

            When I approached the Diocese for help, I was reminded that rank mattered more than integrity, & was told that - as the junior priest - I would need to be disciplined.  I was removed from post and given 3 weeks to vacate the parish house, with no post to go to.

            Thankfully, I had the opportunity to leave there, and move to the UK.  After 9 years of ministry in that Diocese, the only sentence in my reference stated that, “it has come to our attention that this priest is gay, but this has not proven a problem yet.”

            That, thankfully is behind me, and I’m at peace with myself, and my identity, and am able to see that I am exactly as God intended me to be.  However, I offer all of that, as evidence of how misused “Issues in Human Sexuality” could be.  My superiors in that Diocese saw no incongruence between scripture and the way that they were acting, and “Issues in Human Sexuality” gave them the permission they needed to act in that way, and do so boldly.
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I think the House of Bishops forgets how diverse the Church is, and how very differently authority, hierarchy, theology, exegesis and practical application are treated around the world.  I sincerely hope this is not the case, but there will probably be places where the new guidance is going to be used for a witch-hunt of LGBT clergy & parishioners.

In the same way that "Issues" gave bullies and bigots the permission they needed to oppress & punish people within their churches, the new "Pastoral" guidance will give them the permission they need to discipline and shame clergy.

LGBT Clergy often cannot safely engage in the debate about this matter, because being outspoken comes at a price to your career.  If you're not sidelined by your colleagues, you're overlooked for senior posts.  How can free and fair debate take place, when one side is allowed to be as outspoken as they wish, and the other fears for their careers, their families and their lives?

These are dangerous times for young LGBT Christians in many of our churches ... having been discredited and banned by professional psychotherapy & counselling bodies in the West, we're seeing an increase in courses in Reparative Therapy (and even Aversion therapy) being offered in churches across the world, where these harmful (& sometimes fatal) treatments can operate without regulation.

This is not a time where the Church can afford to be anything less than welcoming and affirming to the LGBT community.

If you have a voice, please do use it ... write to the Editor of the Church Times, or your faith / denomination newsletter.  For too long, people have been making decisions about the LGBT community without considering or consulting us.  That needs to stop for true communication and change to happen.

No Room for Hatred in My Faith, by Revd. Andy | NOH8 Campaign

Am very pleased to have my submission to the Be Heard section of the NOH8 Campaign's website featured.

My journey as a gay Christian, and an ordained Anglican Priest, has been an interesting and - at times - a painful one. It's been a journey of discovering who I am, and who I was created to be. As a gay Christian, it saddens me that I sit in the middle of two communities that are often at war with each other. However, I've gradually learned that I needn't be apologetic for being gay, or for having a faith. It saddens me that there are so many people who use their faith as a justification for their bigotry, and seek to belittle, ostracise or oppress the LGBT community. That's not the expression of faith that I have, and it is for this reason that I posed for the NOH8 Campaign ... there is no room for hatred in my faith, and there shouldn't be room for it in our communities.
-Reverend Andy

No Room for Hatred in My Faith, by Revd. Andy | NOH8 Campaign

Another epistle about being both gay and Christian ...

This is another email to my friend about being gay and Christian and trying to reconcile the two ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for your honesty and your reply. Sorry it's taken me a while. I respect your view ... it was one I tried to live by for a long time, but it was self-destructive. I tried to do what your friend is currently doing ... it left me so deep in depression, because I couldn't change who I was and I believed therefore that who I was was an abhorration to God and that would never be able to change. It was a bit of a rough place to be believing that my salvation had been removed from me because I couldn't become someone that God would approve of, and yet I didn't want to live because life was desperately lonely. [As I mentioned in my other note, caught between the hell I was living with and the hell I thought I was inevitably going to.] I suppose I should also add that the ex-Gay "ministries" that originated in the States have been discredited by medical boards and governments in the West as misleading, misguided and extremely harmful. Several of their spokespeople and directors have either left them or been caught soliciting sex in public places, because they craved companionship but couldn't pursue it openly, and were therefore reduced to the risky and emotionally harmful act of trying to secretly have anonymous sex with strangers, and then return to their 'wonderful and healed lives'. Consider the apology from some of the former leaders of such movements at http://www.beyondexgay.com/article/apology Take a look at the story of Randolph Baxter on the website of Courage UK , who used to be part of an ex-Gay ministry and is now part of an ex-ex-Gay ministry. ;o) http://www.courage.org.uk/testimonies/Baxter.shtml Look at their 'Basis of faith'. The ex-gay ministries still have their fans, and some of those are politicians, and some of the programmes are extremely powerful, but they are largely discredited in the West. Those programmes are now trying to market themselves to developing markets and Africa, in the hopes that they'll be able to develop their agenda there. So, in addition to being discredited and harmful, I often wonder if it's a power agenda, rather than a faith one, using a very credible-sounding faith façade for their own purposes. I don't agree with a purely fundamental reading of Scripture, as it's a vibrant and adapting document that remains relevant to all cultures but cannot be enforced in it's original context without mercy because - after all - it communicates a loving and merciful God. But, I am prepared to say that - as much as I believe my reading of the verses to be correct, the fundamentalists believe theirs to be correct - and they're not trying to be hurtful, they're only trying to be true to what they believe is right. I often wish they would have the same respect for my views. In my mind, rather than thinking of it as absolute in it's current English translation, I think it depends on the reading and the translation. There are a few verses (I think 6 in total) that speak against homosexuality, but the difficulty is in context and translation. The Greek and Hebrew words that were translated into 'homosexual' could mean several things, including 'promiscuous', 'people who use power to obtain sex' or even 'idol worship'. The difficulty in some of the cases is that the original word is used so rarely that it's difficult to find a confident translation. But someone settled on homosexual and since then, evangelical Christians the world over have used it to judge gays, lesbians, bi's and transgendered people, and even advocated hate crimes (and more recently, not speaking out against human rights violations, such as the Ugandan Government's new law which punishes gay men with the death penalty if discovered - or even if outed by someone else, that evidence is sufficient to sentence them to death, but the evangelical churches are silent on the issue). Of course, in the past, evangelicals have also supported racism, slavery and misogyny ... all of which is now acknowledged to be hugely incorrect ... but homophobia is still popular in faith. It's a very difficult and painful issue for a lot of people, and to be honest, influences a lot of evangelical Christians, and there is a lot of power play and a lot of money being poured into supporting Christians and churches that follow their lead in enforcing the judgement and/or expulsion of gays. They will hide behind 'we love gays, we just don't love what they do', and say that gay people are ok, as long as they're celibate and lonely, but they're operating under the severely erred belief that gay and lesbian people are actually straight people CHOOSING to have sex with people of the same gender ... not recognising that it's about identity, about love, about personality ... not just genitalia. Take a look at the http://www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.org/ page. And they offer a few alternative interpretations and insights on http://www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.org/biblical_evidence.html Now, I recognise that some of the views they express may be difficult, as they're contrary to the views you've been taught so far, and go against what you believe, but if nothing else, look at them as an opportunity to discover that there are other ways of reading the scriptures out there, and each side believes their way to be correct, and tries their best to live it out in a way that honours their faith. Hope you're well, and as awesome as you always were! Luv Andy

A gay priest's story ...

A friend, when discovering that I was gay and in a relationship, expressed that it was a bit of a shock and asked if others were shocked when they found out.  This was my rather lengthy reply and is another telling of my story, which you may know some of, through previous entries. "I guess I did shock a few people when I came out, but not really when I started dating. I told a number of friends when I came back to PE after my first year in the UK when I'd had time to come to terms with it, but it wasn't a big surprise for many of them ... the pieces just fell into place I guess. To be fair, my own journey was so traumatic and took so much of my emotional, physical, spiritual and mental energy, that I can't really worry about how someone will receive the news. At the same time, I don't broadcast it, because I know some would struggle with it, but I can only be who I am, and when they find out, I can't take on their struggles as well ... they need to walk their own journey. I have always known I was gay, but tried to suppress it for many years (28 of them). I guess I have to admit that my work/life balance was unhealthy, but I poured myself into my youth work as a way of hiding from myself. I frequently worked 18 hour days and believed I was being committed and pious, but occasionally I caught up with myself and despised who I saw. I even tried seeing a psychologist for 2.5 years and putting myself through a "Healing from homosexuality" course that was organised by someone that had been on the Living Waters / Desert Streams courses, with financial support from one of the pastors at Harvest Christian Fellowship. All that transpired was that the psychologist got me to sever my links with my family, because he believed it was all down to nurture and imperfect family relationships, and the "healing" course left me feeling hopelessly inadequate and guilty, because I wasn't being healed. It was also unhelpful when the guy who ran the course couldn't admit that he was still a gay man struggling with his need for companionship, not a healed straight man, and even less helpful when he became attracted to me and stopped talking to me. LOL. It was an extremely dark period in my life, where I believed that I could never know love and companionship unless I put myself and some poor woman through the sham of a marriage without intimacy. I couldn't do that to someone else, and I could no longer run from who I was, so I faced a life of loneliness and hiding the real me. At the same time, I knew that I was called to ministry, but that the institution I worked for would never accept me, so I had to hide from them, too. My emotions were all over the place and I was an overworked, exhausted, lonely and miserable wreck, who occasionally went from extremely low to manic. I often thought of death as my only escape from the desperate loneliness and used to ponder suicide as a better alternative to an indeterminate number of lonely and unhappy years, and I remember sharing with my friend, Tim, my Methodist friend, that the only thing keeping me alive was the belief that the hell I was in was somehow better than the hell I would go to for being gay. So, yeah ... not a great place to be. All of this was going on at the time I first met you guys. You were a breath of fresh air and a joy and you energised my ministry at the time, but all of this was going on in the background. When I moved to St Hugh's in Newton Park, things had become even darker for me and Eddie Daniels who was the Rector at the time, reassured me that I could share anything with him in confidence and he would support me. Against my better judgement I let my guard down and shared some of what was going on inside me with him. He made all the right noises and promised to support me, but then I discovered he was going to parishioners behind my back and starting rumours that I was sexually involved with a lot of the guys at St. Cuthbert's ... Neal, Dylan, Gregg, Mike ... and Tim, my Methodist friend, and JP, one of the young adults at St Hugh's. Good guys who I was very close to, but they're all straight and just close friends. They were all very good about it when I told them what rumours were going about, and offered to take the matter to court, but I was too scared of being forced to publicly come out, so I never did. Eddie used this and kept spreading the rumours, and when I eventually plucked up the courage to confront him, hoping he would back down, his defence was, "I am your Rector and I'll do whatever I want." He then forced me into a relationship with a woman I was close friends with, which ruined our friendship and broke her heart. After that relationship failed, and it broke her heart, he even tried to force us to live together in the parish house, which I think was abominable and - even worse - the leaders in the parish saw no wrong in his actions. So, I decided the most mature thing would be for me to hand in my resignation and ask Bishop Bethlehem Nopece to move me to another parish, which I did in a perfectly adult way, meeting with the Bishop before resigning and explaining the situation to him, and him agreeing with me and saying he would find me a parish to go to. I wrote to Eddie, explaining honestly that I was saddened we could not work together, but wished him well in his ministry and wished to move on in three month's time (the suggested notice period in the Anglican Church). He responded by kicking me out of the parish immediately, without any chance to say goodbye to the congregation and without any formal farewell. Obviously, the parish then assumed that I had done something worthy of such banishment, and combined with the rumours, Eddie was making a pretty good job of ruining my reputation and my chance at ministry in Port Elizabeth.  It also didn't help that Terry Beadon, who'd moved parishes, then felt it important for him to post a letter to the congregation on the noticeboard, telling them I was being disciplined for being bad and calling for them to pull together behind Eddie. When the matter went to the Bishop, I presented evidence to him and two of his advisors.  None of them knew my side of the story (not that they asked) and they agreed that Eddie was acting irresponsibly and irrationally. However, I also discovered that rank is more important than honesty and justice, and the Bishop didn't challenge Eddie's rapid removal of me, and also didn't keep to his promise to find me another parish, so I was left without a parish to work in, without a way to publicly clear my name (unless I took the matter to court and made it public knowledge that I was gay - something I wasn't ready for). So I was left to deal with it, in silence and on my own. Robbie, a friend of mine, took me into his parish in Walmer, where I worked for 6 months.  However, I had no desire to remain in the Diocese of Port Elizabeth anymore and told Rob that before I made any rash decisions, I needed a year out overseas, maybe at a Theological College, maybe even a monastery. Coincidentally (God-incedentally!), 48 hours later Rob had a phonecall from a monk he'd never spoken with before, asking if he knew of any young clergy who were available to do a year's exchange in the UK at a Theological College - owned by a monastery!! Obviously, I jumped at the chance, and that's how I ended up in the UK in 2002. It was at Mirfield that I first encountered Christians in ministry who were gay and not ashamed about it, and began gently being honest with myself and others about who I was. I realised that I couldn't fight the fact that I was called to ministry and I couldn't renounce my faith. But I had also spent a long time trying to run from who I was and change who I was, and I couldn't do that either. So I had to realise that I was both Christian who was called AND gay. Not easy, but unavoidable. So I would have to try my best to be faithful to both. To practise my faith in a way that was inclusive and to share that inclusive faith with others who were being told that their faith would not accept them. At the same time, I needed to live my life as a gay person who was being true to my faith.  I have to recognise that I'm gay - I can't hide it, I can't pretend to be anything else and I don't need to be. I didn't choose to be gay and given the choice I probably wouldn't have, but it's who I was and I needed to be honest in my relationship with God as much as with other people. So I need to responsible about that and represent gay people to my faith as much as the other way round. It's a difficult gap to bridge ... on one side, gay people are extremely hurt by the Church (global, not just Anglican) and are forced away from it and it's alleged good intentions ("loving the sinner not the sin" is really just another way of saying, "you can belong as long as you act like one of us") and there's a lot of bitter feeling. On the other side, the Church is very distrusting of gay people and operating with loads of misconceptions, such as gay people are somehow straight people who choose to have sex with people of the same sex, or that all gays are paedophiles (when, in fact, paedophiles are paedophiles, and they may be straight or gay), or even that gay people are somehow trying to recruit straight people (if it was that easy to change orientation, then gay people could become straight and save themselves a lot of grief!).  I also operates under the misconception that being gay is purely about genital intercourse, and not about falling in love and sharing your life with someone you love, where physical attraction MAY form part of the story, but is not the whole. So, sitting between the two camps can be difficult ... I have a lot of Christian friends who don't like gay people and I have a lot of gay friends who don't like Christians. I try to be frank and unashamed of who I am to both of them. So I've reached a place of finding a purpose in who I am, rather than trying to hide it or run from it. At the same time, I'm alarmed that the Church as an institution is become increasingly hateful, exclusive and alarmist when it comes to it's dealings with the gay community, and I need to recognise that I may not always be able to be in ministry, but as a wise friend of mine once told me, "always remember that you were called to serve God, but not necessarily with a dog collar." I am still in ordained ministry, but work as a University Chaplain. That enables me to work in an institution which is inclusive and in which I can be myself, but also to do a lot of good work with the LGBT students and the students of faith, and with students who struggle with either or both. I find it very diverse, challenging and interesting. For now, I'm happy in Chaplaincy. We'll have to wait and see how long I remain in full-time ministry. If anything, what I went through in Port Elizabeth broke my love affair with it. I love ministry, but I don't need to be a part of an institution that deals with people in that way. So, my work/life balance has improved remarkably. I now spend time investing in me as well, which is nice. I also decided to start dating in 2003, as I couldn't continue living life miserably and lonely. I was nervous at first, and was probably damaged goods, but met some great guys who are still friends, broke one or two hearts and had mine broken once or twice along the way. How very normal. ;o) I met Mike in 2008, and we hit it off straight away. He's absolutely lovely, and we've both had an interesting time, learning to trust someone else with our deepest emotions. I'm very lucky to have met him, and I'm not letting go anytime soon. Obviously, we have our abrasive moments, but that's relationships. I'm saddened that I can't share that joy with everyone ... and that I need to watch what I say and how we act in public. We can't hold hands, we have to watch eye contact. We can't even sit too close. There are some functions I can't take him to and I sometimes feel I've betrayed him when I introduce him as a friend, rather than my partner, but sadly, that's the way things go from time to time. Thankfully, however, there are places and friends with whom we can be ourselves and just be normal, which is great. It's been a helluva rollercoaster ride, but I'm thankful for where I am now and for the opportunities I get to just be me, and the opportunity to finally have someone who loves me for me and not the me I think they want to see."