A colleague prepared the below reflection for a congregation on his struggles with Equal Marriage, and his desire to be true to both his heart & his head, but not to discriminate while he does so.
This is an honest account, and I wish others were as gracious.
Do feel free to share your comments, but remember, the piece is not mine, and I can't identify my colleague. I personally am 100% in support of Equal Marriage and hope to see the day where we can celebrate with our LGBT+ community in our churches (& even allow clergy to wed their same-sex partners, without disciplinary action or rebuke).
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A view from sitting on the fence! (Psalm 45 and Matthew 19:1-11)
The Conference of the British Methodist Church recently met
in Birmingham. The subject matter of one of the reports received and debated was
The Methodist Church’s response to recent changes in legislation in regard of
Civil Partnerships and Same Sex Marriages in the UK. This followed a wide
ranging national consultation earlier in the year.
Having read the report, having followed the debate live
online on Wednesday, and having reflected on the resolutions passed; I would
like to share with you where I now find myself: I find myself sitting right on top of the
fence. And this seems a very good place
to be-at least for now!
It is a very good place to be because I find myself in very
good company. I sense many other
individual Methodists are sitting up here with me, from a wide range of
theological positions and sexual orientations.
Indeed, it would appear that, at least constitutionally, the whole of
British Methodism is now encamped on said fence with me (for at least the next
two years).
For the Methodist Church has now
committed to a two year period of listening, reflecting and discernment
following the legislation of same-sex marriage in England, Wales and Scotland
earlier this year.
The Methodist Church, in line with
scripture and traditional teaching, still believes that marriage is a gift of
God and that it is God's intention that a marriage should be a life-long union
in body, mind and spirit of one man and one woman. The Methodist Conference did
not vote on changing this understanding, or 'opting in' so as to permit
Methodist Church buildings to be registered for same-sex marriage ceremonies or
Methodist ministers to be authorised to conduct them.
However, the Conference did resolve that its previous ruling that there was no
reason per se to prevent anyone within the Church, ordained or lay, from
entering into a civil partnership, should now also extend to those entering
into legally contracted same-sex marriages.
The Conference also agreed revised guidelines that will allow local churches
and ministers to consider the appropriate pastoral response to requests for
prayers and blessings of same-sex couples-effectively allowing local ministers
and congregations to act according to their conscience.
The Conference then directed the Equality, Diversity and Inclusion committee to
work on the production and dissemination of clear guidance on what is to be
regarded as homophobia.
Finally a new working party was appointed to oversee the two-year period of
reflection concerning relationships and living with difference, and to report
to the Conference in 2016.
So here we all are, sitting together, up on top of the
fence.
I humbly suggest that there are now two main tasks we need
to undertake.
1: We need to find
our balance.
For what it is worth I now feel as if I am standing on top
of the fence juggling with my Bible in one hand and my sense of Reason in the
other. At the same time I find my head
pulls towards the very good Experience I have of relationships with homosexual
friends and colleagues, whilst my heart still pulls in the (apparently)
opposite direction of the Church’s Traditional Teaching on marriage. This can
feel very ‘wobbly’ at times!
So how do I get centred and balanced? Well, if I was a dancer or gymnast on a
balance beam I would be taught to find my balance by ‘spotting’. I would have
to learn to fix my eyes on something directly ahead of me; something which
fixed, reliable-unmoving.
As young children in Church weren’t many of us taught to ‘fix
(or turn) our eyes upon Jesus!’
Surely this is a key to our future unity in Christ on this,
and other serious matters of faith and conduct, as we try to find our ‘balance’
together as the people of God. So I humbly suggest the very first thing ‘fence
dwellers’ need to do is to continually fix their eyes upon Jesus: To continue
together in prayer and worship, as they travel along what may seem like a rather
‘narrow way’.
The other reason I believe sitting of the fence is great is
because:
2: It is a good place
to listen.
My wife and I have recently moved. Our kitchen door opens
out onto our garden and is right next to our neighbours. But there is a six
foot fence in between the two doors. When the weather is hot we leave our
kitchen door open most of the time-as do our neighbours. We can hear their pots
clanging; we can smell their baking; our dog can sense the very near presence
of their cat; and we even like some of the music they listen to on their radio.
But the one thing we cannot do is hear what they are saying. We know when they
are having a conversation but their voices, their words, are indistinct,
muffled, distant.
However, if I was to climb up onto the fence I could not
only hear everything they were saying I could actually join in their
conversation: And even potentially
include my wife in it whilst she continued to potter at the far end of our
garden. The point is someone’s got to
sit on top of the fence, to include everyone in the conversation, until we are ready
to pull the fence down!
Yet, there is some One else we surely need to listen to. The
freeholder: The One who not only owns the property but all our lives; in
eternal love, grace, and unity.
Amongst other things,
truly listening to God, from on top of the fence, requires a reading of (wrestling with) scripture based on the
principle “Those who have ears, let them hear what the Spirit is saying to the
churches.”
As I have tried to listen to what the Spirit is presently
saying to the Methodist Church I have been drawn to Jesus’ teaching in Matthew
19:1-11
Here I humbly share my personal reflections on these verses:
First, let us note the context and motivation. The Pharisees
don’t want to know about ‘marriage’ they want to trap Jesus with a question
about divorce: “is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every
reason?”
Second, we must note the main point of Jesus’ reply: “I tell you that anyone who divorces
his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Third, we must also note the surprising reaction of the
disciples to Jesus’ teaching: “If this is the situation between a husband and
wife, it is better not to marry.” In other words, ‘wow Jesus that’s a pretty tall order perhaps it’s better not to get
married at all!’
It seems to me that the consistent message of Jesus
regarding marriage, throughout the gospels-and especially in Matthew, is one of
FAITHFULNESS: It’s ‘till death us do "partedness"!
You see in Jesus’ day the idea of ‘same sex marriage’ had
not even entered the imagination of the Jewish people but 101 legal ways of
divorcing your wife had; even amongst the Pharisees. The standard Jesus raises is one of life long
faithfulness.
It is also worth noting Jesus’ work of salvation on earth
begins with one man’s decision to be faithful to his young pregnant fiancé against
all the odds, and his society’s social and religious expectations.
“Joseph was a
righteous man and did not want to expose Mary to public disgrace; he had in
mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the
Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be
afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived in her is from
the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 1:19f)
And so Jesus’ work of salvation continues to this day.
I have a dream-that fence dwellers might stand together and
shout out across the rooftops of our fragmentary and broken society: “Ok we
haven’t got it all sorted out but this one thing we do agree on: WE BELIEVE IN
FAITHFUL RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IN A FAITHFUL GOD!”
Which is the more important phrase-‘one man and one woman’ or
‘for better for worse; ‘till death us do part’?
Finally, let me
say I know it is hard. Faithfulness is not an easy option. I have been married
for 24 years. It has not been easy….for my wife!
In Psalm 45 we read a wonderfully romantic Wedding Song (to the tune of ‘Lillies’, of the Sons of
Korah) which was probably composed for one of King David’s weddings. What
do we discover just six psalms later?
Psalm 51: (A psalm of
David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery
with Bathsheba).
Beginning with a sentiment which we all we do well to
follow: “Have mercy
upon me, O God, according to your unfailing love…..”
Here on earth, with all our imperfection and brokenness, the
true passion of human faithfulness is only possible when fuelled by the love,
grace and forgiveness that flows from the heart of God.
Furthermore, any list of qualities for a good marriage will
probably have the word LOVE at the very top. But as Christians (possibly
sitting on the fence together) we always need to remember what LOVE really is:
“This is
what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And (therefore) we ought to lay down our lives for one another!” (1 John
3:16): Whatever our theological persuasion and whatever our sexual
orientation.
Please sit with me up on the fence and let us seek God and
work this out together, not for our own comfort, but for the sake of a hurting
world presently being consumed by broken relationships.
